Hello to myself

Do you recognize yourself?

The people showing in front of your mirror. 

Do you know yourself, currently. 

Everyone have that stage where you feel "YOU" are gone, not yourself living your life anymore. 

You feel that you cant control your life, too much for you too bear. 

We all eager to be an adult when we are small, 

and now when we grow older, we wish for time to just like "hold on a second, don't run so fast". 

Maybe that is why the invention of camera, to capture every precious moment we have, so that even the time past so fast, we still can peek on our past. 

Why now we don't want to be adult anymore?

too much responsibilities, too much stress, too much of everything...

We wish for freedom when we are still a kid, and we thought that being an adult can grant us with that.

But no.

We get the freedom we want when we are kids, but there are more locks and chains on us.

Much more restriction. 

I am now in the middle between teenage and working life?

I can feel the stress coming near. 

Lost? Not yet. But I am kinda preparing myself that I will be lost at the beginning of my working life. Not sure the path I am heading is right or wrong.

Preparation. 

Everyone need to prepare themselves for the best and most importantly, for the worst. 

The time when I felt that I am at my worst stage, I will told myself, "it's a curve, it will bounce back upward".

And, there are no worst, there are people having life that are worse than your worst.

Don't give up yourself. 

Push yourself to work hard now, suffer now, to guarantee a good life in the future. 

You may be slower than others, and you may need to work harder than others.

But there are not a fault. 

Intelligence are not the main factor of success.

You have the plan, but if you didn't work it out, the plan will be just a dream. 

Keep going till the end is the key. 

I know the hardest part is not failure, is when you try to stand up after you fall. 

There will be people who look down on you, tease you, or wanted to push you down.

Just keep trying, keep moving on. 

Why focus on those rubbish when you have bunch of families and friends who are supporting you. 

They do not give up on you, so you can't give up yourself. 

They know you can make it till the end, they are just waiting for you to realize that. 

Wash your face, and get up!

Stand in front of the mirror,

and shine a bright smile, "hello."

Be the one you want others to see.

*I hope you will get this and you know that we still waiting for you*

黑和白

原来，“先、后” 这个次序蛮重要的。

才发现，只要你先把事实扭曲了，再发表出去，你就可以制造正面形象。

只要你不让另一方发现你扭曲了事实，拖一段时间，把你的“故事”宣传出去，几乎没有人会怀疑你。几乎。

等到另一方发现了你的谎言，他会愤怒，然后拼命找机会解释。

找证据？

如果只是两人之间的口头争执，怎么会有证据？

很多人都会说：没关系，时间会证明一切。

或者说：没关系，我们相信你不是这种人。

可是有多少人做得到？真正的相信你？或者明白你的用心？

翻回历史，很多事情都是存有争议的。

事情也许不是你想象的那样。

表面上看，他的决定听起来不怎么对。

可是也许他的出发点是好的？

又或者，他当初做的不是这样的决定，只是传达讯息的过程中，他的意思被后人扭曲了？

如果这种事情发生了，就当自己倒霉罢了。

对方都已经把自己改版的故事比你先一步“发扬”出去了。

你再怎么解释自己的用心都会被大家当做是借口。

解释就是掩饰，听过吗？

这种时候，有谁会真的相信你？

如果对方平时就带着好好先生面具 ，在这种时候要别人站在你那边就更难了。

想了想，

是不是这些原因，造成了现在的人都喜欢“恶人先告状”？

先发制人？

有什么比利器更伤人？

就是人的嘴巴。

他的伤害是无形的。

就算你受伤了，也不会流血。

这些伤口，有时时间也不能把它治好。

I Thought.

Flash back to my previous years, I suddenly realize one thing.

I am always a skinny girl when I am still a kid. Yes, super skinny.
But now I am a chubby girl. Yup, I won't deny it. x)
(guys, I am avoiding the 'fat' word here)
I guess no one expected that I will turn meaty, like what I am now when I am still that skinny girl.
I thought I will be forever a skinny girl that time.

When I am still primary and secondary teen, I have a very... SPECIAL a-k-a OUTSTANDING look.
Chubby, bird nest hair, 'dai ga jie' pattern, and I wear whatever is on the top on my wardrobe.
So basically those Tee and shorts I wear them again and again.
Wear, wash, wear, wash, wear again and wash again,
It's become my icon.

Not to mention my hair! x)
It's can fit one bird family to stay inside. Warm and safe.
My hair is curly, short and it's middle separated.
Until secondary Form 3, I still didn't need a comb  to set my hair.
Let it dry itself, and form a comb with my finger, comb it upwards.
Exactly the same like how guys set their hair.

I can't found any old photo of me because I'm still in KL.
Here is an old photo of mine, posted by my teacher in secondary school.
Please... have some, preparation...

x) THIS IS ME

If not mistaken, this is when I was form 3. 

OMGAWDDDD 

Here a meme create by my friend, credit to that bitch. haha

Well the old me, I never thought that I will have long hair, like now. 

I thought I will have that bird nest hair forever. NO LIE.

When in primary, I was very proud with my 'chio' hairstyle. 

I was very proud that I didn't have to use comb and carry it 24/7 like other girls did. 

I thought that, when I grow older, I won't apply any cosmetics on my face. 

When every secondary girls gather together, topics is all around those.

But now, although I am not very expert about it, I started to make up. 

I only know how to do light make up. I don't know how to do extra than that. LOL

Ya make up boost my self confidence. 

I feel awesome after I see myself in the mirror and look better. =D

x)

And ya!

The radio station's program that I participated (mention in the previous post!),

it's actually kinda awkward when I sent my video and then suddenly I won, suddenly I get to interview by the DJ. 

I never thought that I will have the guts. I thought I won't do such silly thing, ever.

I thought, I never will. 

During my diploma, I participated in a singing competition.

I thought in my diploma, I will just be a invisible student, college girl.

Never show myself in any event organized in college.

Then, one day I pass by foyer and saw this competition, I asked myself: WHY NOT?

I don't want my college life to be plain. It just take couple of weeks to do this, right? 

And then I fill in the form, and boom!

I get a chance to record in a studio room. Cool.

And I get 2nd runner up. Even my dad show up at the finale! =D

There's many other tiny things I experienced.

It may sounds super ordinary for guys out there that experienced things way more interesting than mine. 

But that's not the point. xP

So what I want to say,

I am 21 this year, now.

Many transformation and experience happen without you aware about it, or it happen hyper sudden and you can't even stop and realize it is actually changing you or highlighting your life. 

Or you felt it is bothering you, annoy you, and you wonder why don't it end faster. 

Actually, it happen fast enough.

EG: you broke your leg and you stay in the hospital for one month.

A simple math, compare 1 month / 21years x 12months

It's super short. 

Hey, at least you have the experience of broken legs and I don't. x)

CONCLUSION! 

I realize that, what you thought at first, for things in the future, didn't mean that it will happen that way.

Life is all about experiencing and transforming.

You might think that, you are failing now, you will fail in the future too. 

Or, 

You are the top student now in college, and you think that you will do well in the future.

But can you confirm?

I always try to avoid saying thing such as: I CONFIRM! I WON'T DO IT IN THE FUTURE./ I CONFIRM I WILL BLA BLA BLA... 

Because I know there are too much uncertainty. I might change my mind in the future. 

What I can say is: I didn't like it for now. / I can't do it, for now. etc 

PEEPS! 

Don't give up now. Don't give up future.

Although sometimes you get frustrated! 

Promise yourself you will do your best and that's enough.

Grab any chances to increase your self-value.

Grab any chances to prove yourself valued.

Things turns better from time to time. I PROMISE. =)

At the moment you say: I THOUGHT I CAN'T MAKE IT..... BUT WOW! 

Miracles happened! xD

xoxo

Frust....

Sometimes I just hope that human can read through people's mind.
Why? I hope those INCONSIDERATE person, can read whats in others mind, because they can't understand facial expression. =/

And you just continue doing things that you think is rational, considerate, or funny.
Can't you see there is no responses? NO!
So is it funny? NO!
So can you just realize and stop your stupid jokes? Sadly, you didn't.

And perhaps you didn't notice that you funny JOKES annoyed me. Or maybe others.
To be honest no one know it is a joke.
Why? Because you take the problem facing by others or what they feel ashamed of, as a joke!
Do you think it is funny?
After you be scolded and everyone annoyed, then you make a U-turn claims that: Hey! I'm just joking. Why so serious?

Ya? You did that right?
So, here is just some advice.
Don't ever make jokes on others wounds.
How will you feel,
when you just broke up with you girlfriend and others make jokes on that.
Just an example.

You just destroyed your world. :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HEY!
After setting bombs, as you can see above,
lets do some reports LOL

So here I am, back to KL.
Year 3 Sem 1.
Once I notice that I am already in Year3,
feel proud and worry at the same time.
The higher you climb, more challenges awaiting.
Not really a cool stuff.

Recently I joined a program on MyFm.
It's actually quite stupid haha!
I am enjoying my sem break at my hometown, and maybe I am too bored...
Ya so I just participate it.

Yes you might say me stupid, sohai, tak malu, muka tembok, 'do you need a mirror', etc etc.
Here some words from me: Hey, it's my life and I choose what to do with it, bitch. :)
Only I can comment myself stupid. x)

It's just a program. And ya god bless, luck with me, I win the program.
I get the chance to be interviewed by Jym, a Dj in MyFm.
A very cool experience hehe. Although I sounds awkward in the interview.
Anyway, I gain what you didn't have.
I can say that I really have guts x)
So when you are laughing at me, DO YOU HAVE THAT GUTS?
No?
I feel sorry for you.

Hey this is the video I sent to participate the program. Check it out!




So I just stop here and.. ya, wish me luck for everything. =)

Miss me?

#imback

Ha! It's been a long time here. 

So much to share, but it's gonna be long. 

Perhaps I should just summarize up. 

It's been some time since my great lost. 

I can't say that I overcome it, but I can handle it. 

What's different is 

I lost one of the people who love me,

there's no one will nag like she do, 

there's no one will complain why I didn't call her ( and this is what I cant do now ) 

no one like her that can understand me

no one to share a special memory 

no one that prepare my favorite dishes for me when I back home

no one to share gossips with me (ya we always do that) 

There's too much I lost. But not the memorize and love you gave me. 

I wish to get more, but what's inside my heart will never gone, never be forgotten. 

:) 

#iloveyou

Haaaaaa.. Let's stop the story, it's kinda pain here inside 

Recently so much of stories and drama happened. 

It make me realize that people come and go. 

They will be the one that give you memorize, good or bad

But they might not be the one who stay. 

Yes, you should accept it. 

You can't make people stay, unless they willing to. 

And sad to say that, sometimes even they are willing to stay, they can't. 

Like what I experienced. 

I suggest that we should pay more effort to the people, 

that didn't leave you, that is around you. 

It's like the theory for investment, you should invest on someone who is worth for. 

You invest on something that will not give you any return, 

what you will get at the end is just broken heart and tears. 

The return I mean here is the "heart". 

Not that asking you to leave the people who will die at the end or whatever ending that is out of our control. 

Some people approach you with bad intention. 

Or there's bad intention after you both get close. 

People change right? 

They do not give you their heart, but they eat up yours. 

Open your eyes and brain before you show your heart to them. 

Ya you might say that sometimes heart blinds us. 

But why you choose not the leave after you realize that they are monster? 

It's stupid right? 

Some different cases is that the people try to open others heart. 

Yes you can try. And by that you need to show them your sincere heart first. 

It's ok to do that, because they do not have bad intention on you just that they choose not to show you the world inside them. 

But be wise ok? Don't let them hurt you too deep. 

Hey! I haven't share with you my recent life! 

It's so sad to say it's another tiring semester. 

However it's only a short semester. 

Life recently is good. The bond between classmates seems improving. 

I have grown up. Friends around me grown up. 

So this prove that life is about keep on improving right? Hah! 

And seriously I'm turning 21, very soon! Yayyyy! 

Let's scream and shout. 

I'm still thinking and planning how should I welcome this big day? 

The celebration should be special and memorable right? 

Let me stimulate my brain cells for that. 

I will try my best! Stay tune!